I am a person who used to be more closed off, but now I am finding myself more willing to go out of my comfort zone, when I feel the need, to let someone know their importance to me. Some people may perceive this as a weakness, or perhaps giving away power. I do not agree. There is a difference between being a doormat and relying on the reaction, perception or follow up actions of another versus giving of yourself freely without expectation. When you have expectation as your motivation, that is giving away your power.
It’s similar to the saying you see all the time of I don’t chase I attract. The runner/chaser dynamic is unhealthy. It is one I have played in the past, quite a bit at times. As I begin to dive into why that was a temptation for me and what I needed to heal to release that tendency, the more well being I begin to feel. These are attributes that don’t go away overnight. I can still get triggered and regress, the difference is I am quicker to recognize and ground myself when these old traits pop up.
Once I really believed in and knew myself on a deeper level, the less interest that held for me. This also gave me the freedom to more openly express myself to others when I chose to. If I feel the desire or need to express a feeling to someone I will do so. I do it without expectation or reaction. There is a sense of freedom in this that is hard to explain. On the other hand, if I choose to refrain or stay quiet, I do this without questioning it as well. As long as I know my reason and I feel it is coming from a healthy place and not one lead by fear.
An Example: Approaching/Telling someone who perhaps has wronged you that they have done so. You enter into this exchange knowing that person may not have the emotional maturity to take responsibility, but you are able to do so with zero expectation from them. You have let go of needing the other person’s reaction or lack there of to impact your reason for your approach. Some people may look at this as begging for a response, or desperation. It is only the latter based on your intent. No one knows your intention but you until you choose to voice that and follow it up with action. Your consistent action and character in time will do the work for you. Others will begin to see your intentions more clearly. Those that don’t are not for you. Some people are too lazy or clouded by their past, stuck in mental obstacles and battles they have willingly chose not to overcome to see clearly. That is a choice, whether acknowledged or not, and one you have to accept. Either way, the perception and judgement of others should not be a driving force for who you are and how you move.
I have come to place that my only intention is to honor and be true to myself. Being empathetic, I can sometimes feel there is a need inside someone even if they don’t outwardly show it. If I have a connection and desire I may choose to share a piece of my heart even if I know it won’t be returned outwardly. Usually, when you are connected and in tune with someone you can feel their unspoken dialogue energetically, and perhaps, that’s enough. So choose to express your love, admiration or loyalty to someone even if you know they may not be in a place to reciprocate that if you truly care for someone or something. Do it from a place of peace and acceptance without expectation or care for what you receive in return.
This is the difference between an opportunist character versus a person of genuine character. This will directly fulfill your own soul in what you could call a “selfish” way. The peculiar thing that is often overlooked is you will find internal satisfaction the more you do this. The powerful part being the satisfaction completely from and within yourself.
Humans all have a level of selfishness. Not all selfishness is negative. By standing on business, devotion to your own heart, intuition and truth, you are showing yourself a deeper love. Even a perceived emotionally checked out person may need to hear and feel your loyalty or care. If your heart is compelled to express that, knowing they will turn away, express it anyway. The outward perception is not always what is happening internally. There might be a reason you are compelled to share that with them. So release the expectation of what you may get back. If you love someone tell them. If you appreciate someone let them know. Those you value in life should know their importance to you. Express this freely. Don’t be embarrassed, feel shame or rejection if the response isn’t reciprocal. You never know when it may be your last chance. Life is fleeting and tomorrow is never promised.
Appreciate your own ability to be authentic. It isn’t our job to change others and it also does not serve you to lower or downplay who you are. The more you learn to connect with yourself and be proud of honoring what makes you authentic, the more peace you will feel. This may sound hokey, but it is true nonetheless.
I can tell you with certainty, the more I have connected with being open and vulnerable without expectation, the deeper my inner-peace has changed me. I still have stumbles, outbursts, say the wrong things, get down on myself, all of it. But I see and feel the improvements. I have a deeper peace and comfort with who I am today than I did a year ago. Everyday I choose to be better I become better.